Fostering a child is one of the most rewarding and life-changing decisions you can make, but it comes with its own set of challenges. While not all children in foster care have mental health or behavioral issues, many have experienced trauma, neglect, or instability, which can lead to emotional or behavioral difficulties. These challenges may seem intimidating to prospective foster parents, especially if there is uncertainty about how to manage them.
You are not alone in this journey. With the right tools, training, and support, foster parents can successfully help children heal, build trust, and thrive. In California, particularly in Riverside and San Bernardino Counties, thousands of children need a stable and loving home. Knotts Family Agency offers the guidance, resources, and ongoing support necessary to help foster parents feel prepared and confident in managing challenging behaviors.
In this article, we will explore seven common behavioral challenges faced by foster parents and discuss how to manage them with compassion and consistency.
Common Challenging Behaviors in Foster Care
Children in foster care often face experiences that no child should have to endure, such as neglect, abuse, separation from their biological families, and frequently changing placements. As a result, they may struggle to express themselves or feel safe, which can lead to challenging behaviors. Here are seven common behaviors that foster parents may encounter, along with effective strategies for responding to them.
1. Difficulty Trusting Adults
Children in foster care may have been let down or harmed by the adults who were supposed to care for them. This can lead to mistrust, guarded behavior, and reluctance to open up.
How to Manage It:
- Be consistent. Follow through on promises and establish predictable routines to build trust over time.
- Be patient. Building trust takes time — don’t expect immediate closeness.
- Avoid punishment for mistrustful behavior. Understand that hesitation to bond is rooted in fear, not defiance.
- Create a safe space. Let the child know that it’s okay to express feelings without fear of punishment or rejection.
“When we first brought our foster daughter home, she wouldn’t even make eye contact with us,” said one foster parent. “But we just kept showing up for her. Slowly, she started to open up — and now we can’t imagine life without her.”
2. Emotional Outbursts or Mood Swings
Past trauma can cause children to struggle with emotional regulation. They may experience sudden anger, sadness, or frustration without understanding why.
How to Manage It:
- Stay calm. Responding with anger will only escalate the situation.
- Validate their feelings. Say things like, “I understand you’re upset — it’s okay to feel that way.”
- Use calming techniques. Encourage deep breathing or offer a quiet space to cool down.
- Provide positive reinforcement. Praise the child when they express emotions in a healthy way.
3. Defiance and Boundary Testing
Children who have experienced inconsistent parenting or neglect may test limits to see if they will be enforced consistently. This behavior is often a way of seeking reassurance and control.
How to Manage It:
- Set clear, reasonable boundaries. Let the child know what behavior is acceptable and unacceptable.
- Use positive discipline. Focus on redirection and positive reinforcement rather than punishment.
- Follow through. If you set a boundary, stick to it consistently to build trust.
- Give choices. Offering two acceptable options helps children feel in control without being defiant.
“At first, our foster son would push every limit we set,” one foster parent shared. “But once he realized that we were consistent — and that we weren’t going to give up on him — he settled down.”
4. Difficulty with Attachment or Forming Relationships
Children who have experienced multiple placements or inconsistent care may struggle to form secure attachments.
How to Manage It:
- Be emotionally available. Let the child know you are there for them, even when they push you away.
- Avoid pressure. Allow attachment to develop naturally at the child’s pace.
- Encourage connection through shared activities. Play, cook, or engage in creative projects together.
- Seek professional help if needed. Attachment therapy can help children develop healthy relational patterns.
5. Anxiety and Fear-Based Responses
Trauma can leave children in a state of heightened alertness, making them anxious or fearful of new situations or people.
How to Manage It:
- Create predictable routines. Structure helps children feel safe.
- Prepare them for transitions. Let them know in advance about schedule changes.
- Provide comfort objects. A stuffed animal or blanket can help soothe anxiety.
- Use calming language. Reassure them with a calm, steady tone.
6. Aggression or Self-Harming Behaviors
Aggression can stem from unprocessed anger, fear, or frustration. Some children may turn this behavior inward through self-harm.
How to Manage It:
- Stay calm and avoid physical restraint. Focus on de-escalation.
- Help them identify emotions. Teach them to say, “I’m angry” instead of lashing out.
- Provide alternative outlets. Encourage exercise, art, or journaling to release pent-up energy.
- Seek professional intervention. Therapists trained in trauma care can provide valuable guidance.
7. Withdrawal and Social Isolation
Children who have experienced loss or rejection may withdraw emotionally to protect themselves from further hurt.
How to Manage It:
- Give them space — but not too much. Let them know you’re available without forcing engagement.
- Introduce low-pressure social settings. A family movie night or walk can help build connection.
- Encourage small steps. Let them join in at their own pace.
- Celebrate progress. Acknowledge when they take steps toward opening up.
Thinking About Fostering? Take the First Step Today
Fostering can be challenging, but it is also life-changing. The bond you create with a child, even during difficult times, can help them heal and grow in ways you never imagined.
Becoming a foster parent doesn’t mean you have to handle these challenges alone. Knotts Family Agency is committed to providing foster parents in Riverside and San Bernardino Counties with the tools and resources they need to succeed.
We offer:
- Pre-service training to help you understand trauma and behavior management.
- 24/7 support for crisis situations or behavioral concerns.
- Access to therapists and behavioral specialists who can work with you and the child.
- Peer support groups to connect with other foster parents.
- Ongoing training and education to keep your skills sharp.
If you’re ready to make a difference in a child’s life, contact Knotts Family Agency to get started.
