Understanding the Needs Behind Challenging Behavior

In this article

• Describe the situation without assigning a motive
• Ask when the child can participate
• Choose respectful, practical supports
• A planning example
• Support the caregiver as well
• Keep the review focused

A child who shouts, withdraws, refuses a task, or leaves a situation may be having difficulty that is not obvious to the adults nearby. Understanding the circumstances can help a family and its team choose a more useful response. The starting point is careful observation and a conversation that respects the child’s experience.

Trauma history can be relevant, and so can health, sleep, communication, learning, relationships, sensory needs, and the demands of the environment. A particular behavior does not establish a diagnosis or a single cause. Qualified assessment may be needed, especially when concerns are new, severe, persistent, or affecting safety.

Describe the situation without assigning a motive

Write down what happened in terms another person could observe. Include the setting, what occurred just before, the child’s words if known, and what helped the situation settle. “Covered their ears and left the room when several adults began talking” gives more useful information than “was disrespectful.”

Look for variation. Does a task go better with advance notice? Does the child communicate more easily with one person? Is a particular time of day harder? These observations can help the team ask better questions without turning every interaction into a test.

Ask when the child can participate

A difficult moment may be a poor time for a long conversation. When the child is ready, ask what felt hard, what they wanted adults to understand, and what might help next time. Use language and communication methods suited to the child’s age and development.

Allow uncertainty. A child may be unable to explain the experience, or the explanation may emerge gradually. A caregiver can share an observation gently and invite correction. The team should also consider whether an adjustment in the environment would make participation easier.

Choose respectful, practical supports

Possible supports to discuss with the team include predictable routines, clear and manageable directions, choices within appropriate limits, advance notice of changes, and opportunities to practice communication or coping skills when calm. The right approach depends on the child and the situation.

KFA prohibits physical or corporal punishment. Exercise or physical activity imposed as punishment is included in that prohibition. Adults should use approved, nonphysical approaches and seek support when a response is not working. Safety concerns require the appropriate protective action and professional assistance.

A planning example

Illustrative example: A child becomes upset when an adult announces that a preferred activity must end immediately. The caregiver notices that a short warning and a clear description of the next activity sometimes help. The child says it is difficult to stop without knowing when the activity will be available again.

The team considers a predictable transition routine, a way for the child to ask a question, and realistic expectations for the next activity. They agree on how the caregiver will receive support and what information will help them review the plan. If the difficulty persists or broader concerns appear, they seek qualified assessment rather than repeatedly increasing consequences.

Support the caregiver as well

A caregiver who is exhausted or unsure whom to call may need practical help, coaching, or a chance to discuss what is happening. Describe the support you need specifically: help practicing a routine, clarification of a plan, assistance coordinating services, or an explanation of available respite arrangements.

Bring emerging concerns to the assigned worker early. A useful team checks whether its recommendations are feasible in the home and whether promised services were received. It also recognizes that progress may vary across situations and over time.

Keep the review focused

Choose a small number of observations that connect to the family’s goal. Review what adults tried, what the child experienced, and whether the setting changed. Avoid drawing a conclusion from a single good or difficult day. For immediate danger or an urgent medical situation, use emergency assistance and the applicable safety plan. For other concerns, contact the child’s qualified provider and agency team for individualized guidance.

For KFA’s current certification, funding, and service availability, visit our HFW program page. For questions about a particular family or situation, contact info@mykfa.org to arrange a private conversation.